Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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