Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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  (949): Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse? http://tfl.nu/h2ii
  Replies (21) Good night (3012) Bad night (862)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

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  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5441) Bad night (885)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

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  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6815) Bad night (1320)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

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  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (5129) Bad night (2222)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?

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  (801): i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick? http://tfl.nu/a1dv
  Replies (22) Good night (3168) Bad night (1398)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself

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  (570): Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself http://tfl.nu/yahv
  Replies (3) Good night (908) Bad night (1885)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

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  (816): I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible http://tfl.nu/v92i
  Replies (3) Good night (2298) Bad night (703)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club

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  (512): that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club http://tfl.nu/q8pu
  Replies (8) Good night (1075) Bad night (1873)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

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  (704): I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills http://tfl.nu/vb73
  Replies (10) Good night (1894) Bad night (597)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?

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  (416): Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best? http://tfl.nu/9x4p
  Replies (0) Good night (627) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..

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  (828): btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits.. http://tfl.nu/2wvn
  Replies (10) Good night (317) Bad night (900)
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  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

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  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (722) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.

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  (309): Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend. http://tfl.nu/4ikn
  Replies (4) Good night (541) Bad night (290)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL

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  (202): I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL http://tfl.nu/l7q5
  Replies (9) Good night (472) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue

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  (248): Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue http://tfl.nu/hgnj
  Replies (10) Good night (530) Bad night (233)

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