im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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