You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
