Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like

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(302): I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like http://tfl.nu/tmn6

Replies (25) Good night (660) Bad night (2078)
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(917): View more from New York City

I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!

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(917): I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done! http://tfl.nu/5vwu

Replies (18) Good night (1381) Bad night (2635)
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(720): View more from Colorado

i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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(720): i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there. http://tfl.nu/dzaj

Replies (22) Good night (530) Bad night (3336)
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(214): View more from Texas

we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.

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(214): we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER. http://tfl.nu/9rv5

Replies (58) Good night (12680) Bad night (1039)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Now have a vodka water and get your shit together

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(612): Now have a vodka water and get your shit together http://tfl.nu/ex6u

Replies (6) Good night (2416) Bad night (885)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time

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(218): I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time http://tfl.nu/ndy7

Replies (7) Good night (2733) Bad night (985)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.

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(608): he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually. http://tfl.nu/qiv4

Replies (5) Good night (2561) Bad night (797)
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(586): View more from Michigan

I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

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(586): I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me. http://tfl.nu/23ps

Replies (8) Good night (3975) Bad night (712)
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(954): View more from Florida

I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.

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(954): I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate. http://tfl.nu/yurv

Replies (9) Good night (3711) Bad night (647)
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(530): View more from California

I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.

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(530): I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did. http://tfl.nu/hz33

Replies (4) Good night (1725) Bad night (586)
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(706): View more from Georgia

after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"

(404): View more from Georgia

I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.

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(706): after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius" (404): I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off. http://tfl.nu/115h

Replies (3) Good night (2363) Bad night (522)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night

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(443): I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night http://tfl.nu/0wm9

Replies (3) Good night (1377) Bad night (400)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow

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(859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://tfl.nu/bjeb

Replies (5) Good night (1815) Bad night (417)
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(831): View more from California

to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal

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(831): to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal http://tfl.nu/c7f7

Replies (5) Good night (519) Bad night (1164)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.

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(781): So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO. http://tfl.nu/2fm5

Replies (6) Good night (433) Bad night (279)

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