Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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(206): View more from Washington

Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.

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(913): View more from Kansas

He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(417): View more from Missouri

When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

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(713): View more from Texas

do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?

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(905): View more from Ontario

you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.

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(845): View more from New York

When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag

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(314): View more from Missouri

Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.

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