I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
