Just fell off a train. Bad.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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