it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
