my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
