I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
