she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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