im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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