Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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