Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
