my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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