im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
