Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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