i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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