she was so not down for the gang bang
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
