My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
