9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
