Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
