Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
