I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
