i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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