Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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