woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
