Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm at about main and main street
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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