she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
