6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
