When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
