I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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