I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This house was built for laser tag.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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