my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
