I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you never un-have a 4some
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
