we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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