i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
