just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
