Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
