I'll bet she douches with gravy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
