You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
