Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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