Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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