HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
