I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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