I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hippo gnu deer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
