my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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