i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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