I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
