Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
