My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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