How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
