a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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