by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
