Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
