I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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