well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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