YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
