Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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