remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my being single is dangerous.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So squirting runs in the family.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
