No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Enjoy the penises
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
