Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
