Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
