made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
