Dude my mom stole all your condoms
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
