Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
