she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
