Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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