You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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