she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
