Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
