goodnight i made you a song goodbye
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
