THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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