Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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