Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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