No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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