Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
